Rain
by AnimeGirl9781
Summary: Mistakes aren't always forgivable, are they? An angsty oneshot [I'll write a follow-up if I get enough support]


**Hi y'all. So, because I was an angsty drama queen recently, here is a oneshot dedicated to my sarcastic and snarky self ^.^**

**Hope you enjoy!**

**\- AnimeGirl9781**

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The rain is so cruel today, Misaki. How have you been?

I'm sorry for how pathetic I am. I've realized that it's my fault. I'm sorry that I didn't believe you, and I'm sorry I lied to you.

It's been so long already. We're seniors now, and time has flown by so quickly. I heard you got into Tokyo, and you want to become a lawyer... as expected of you. I'm going to Harvard and studying for a double major: medicine and business. Isn't it nice that I'll be the castle's duke and it's doctor as well?

Here, where I'm standing, I'm being mocked. The sun is shining so brightly and fuzzy flowers tinged with light pink spill fluffs of petals into the winds. The trees are dancing so gently, welcoming my sins with open arms. Why was I so foolish?

It was exactly one year ago when we stood on this cliff with a swirling mass of water over the drop, under the sakura blossoms. The tree is gone now, but so are "us". You chased after me as I walked away from you, telling me that it wasn't what I thought it was. I told you that I didn't want to hear it.

It wasn't your fault. That day, Grandfather called me to ask if I could inherit the castle. Apparently, Gerard and I were pretty similar, always running away. He felt like he was being caged, too. So instead, the bars have closed down on me. Do you know how irritated I was when I heard that? I thought, what a coward my half-brother was. But it turns out that I'm like that as well. I'm just like the men you've met before, Misaki.

So when I saw someone forcing a kiss on you and it looked like you weren't struggling, I just lost all common sense. I ignored the dark, purple bruises forming on your wrists and the scared look on your face. And instead of taking you in my arms, which I would do if the chance ever came again, I turned my back on you when you needed me the most. I assumed our relationship had been merely an affair to you, so I walked away. You chased after me so desperately, something I'd never seen you do before. I said, "Stop calling me. It's annoying. I don't need it."

You said, "It isn't like that, Usui! Please wait!" I didn't believe you, and I ignored it when you tripped. It hurt me to think that we were just a liaison, so I was selfish. I didn't pause when I saw blood trickle down your arm or when I shook you off too hard and made you fall. The anger and hurt blinded me, and I didn't know what I was doing. It was a blur.

"I have tons of other girls to play with, Misaki. I don't need you, so I'll be going back first." I don't know what made me say that, but it kills me everyday now. You looked so hurt when you shouted, "Usui, please!" It was the first time I ever saw you cry, and I failed to support you. Instead, I just tore out another piece of your heart.

"If you're that desperate," I said, "why don't you take a trip to the bar? Leave me alone. Or throw yourself off the cliff." I didn't want to admit how hurt I was, Misaki, and in order to protect myself, I hurt you instead.

I never imagined my words could do something so terrible.

That night, your mother called me and asked where you went. I said that I thought you were at home, but she said you weren't there. "Weird," I said, and hung up. That night, she called me seven more times before I muted my phone. I pretended I was asleep and feigned ignorance, even though my heart was clenching so painfully.

The next day, I went to school messier than usual. I didn't bother to tuck in my tie or button the top of my shirt, since I thought you'd yell at me anyway. Turns out I was wrong. You weren't there. It wasn't until the following week when you returned.

Do you know how much I regret it now? If you just gave me one more chance, just once more, do you know how much I'd be willing to plead for you to forgive me? Right now, I'm going through a living hell. It's worse than dying everyday, but the guilt burdens me even more. Each time I think of what I said, the face you made comes into mind. I live through that painful memory every night, knowing that I hurt you and tore out your heart. Your face looked so empty, and your eyes just dulled. I hurt you that day, and I did it intentionally. I did it to protect myself and I pretended that I didn't need you, but do you know how desperate I am now? You were the light in my world of darkness, but you're fading away. And this time, I'm the one whose begging you not to leave, even though I deserve it. I'm on my knees, Misaki, for you not to be so cruel and do what I did to you. Do you know how it kills me everyday?

I wish I'd picked up the phone that day, when your mother called me so many times. I wish I had visited you and not abandoned you. I reopened a wound you'd already gotten before, but isn't it a good thing that you don't remember it anymore?

I'll never forget what you said to me the first day of that week, six days after I turned around and left. I suppose it's a good thing that you don't have to bear so much pain anymore. I'd gladly take it for you if I could, but I'm not qualified for that position anymore.

"Usui-san, please tuck in your shirt." I stared at you for a while after that, but your eyes were bright and painless like nothing had happened. "Sakura," you shouted. Everyone seemed to know what was going on, and they seemed to be more respectful and orderly.

I didn't know that day, but the next day, I found out. Now, standing on the edge of this cliff, I know what happened.

Apologies don't even cut it anymore, but I'm sorry I told you to jump. I didn't know you'd do it, and I took advantage of that. I'm sorry I gave you so many painful memories, so let me bear that pain for you.

Misaki, I'm sorry I said so many horrible things that day.

I'm sorry I hurt you so badly.

I'm sorry that I'm just like other men and that I picked you to be my victim.

Misaki, I'm sorry I made you fall into the river at the bottom of this cliff.

It's useless now, I know, because it's already happened. But since I'm so pathetic...

I'm sorry I made you forget.

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**Ahahaha... let's not talk about how bad my writing is...**

**Please leave a review! I'd like to know what you think!**

**Also, I apologize for any mistakes. If you spot any, feel free to let me know!**

**Xoxo**

**\- AnimeGirl9781**


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